Monday, November 25, 2013

Suspicious Marriage

Several weeks ago I listened to a Pod Cast from Andy Stanley talking about culture in your work place. He is one of my favorite leaders whom I listen to quite often. This particular pod cast has been ringing in my ears ever since I listened to it. The topic was, “Do You Have a Culture of Trust or a Culture of Suspicion?”

In a Culture of Suspicion there is never the benefit of the doubt, always finger pointing, no real honesty, always excuse making and you never get to the truth or the heart of the matter.

In a Culture of Trust there is the benefit of the doubt given in the same way you want it given to you, there is real honesty, you defend each other and you work hard to keep the trust.

I shared this in our staff meeting last week and since then it made me wonder: “What if I applied this to my marriage?” Not that I am suspicious of my wife but what if I gave her the benefit of the doubt in everything? I defended her and worked hard to keep the trust between us. I decide to believe the best in her. How would this transform my marriage?

If I have a culture of trust in my marriage, when conflict arises, it becomes nothing but the pursuit of truth in finding the best possible answer. Not if I win or Courtney wins but we both win. There is no win/lose in marriage because if one spouse loses you both lose.

In my marriage I have to do everything possible to be trustworthy. I have to let my yes be yes and my no be no. I have to be honest about my faults and mistakes. I have to take ownership of my misgivings. I have to work to maintain that trust.

Here is what happens when you don’t have a “Marriage of Trust”: you begin to live the Elvis Presley song, “Suspicious Minds.” No one wants to live in trap of suspicion. Nothing you ever say or do is right. You are caught in a vicious, unending circle of finger pointing at each other, doubt, and the flame of love is smothered out.

A choice needs to be made. I must decide to create a marriage of trust where I give my spouse the benefit of the doubt, I defend my spouse, I decide to believe the best in her and I will work hard at being trustworthy.