Several weeks ago I listened to a Pod Cast from Andy Stanley
talking about culture in your work place. He is one of my favorite leaders whom
I listen to quite often. This particular pod cast has been ringing in my ears ever
since I listened to it. The topic was, “Do You Have a Culture of Trust
or a Culture of Suspicion?”
In a Culture of Suspicion there is never the benefit of the
doubt, always finger pointing, no real honesty, always excuse making and you
never get to the truth or the heart of the matter.
In a Culture of Trust there is the benefit of the doubt
given in the same way you want it given to you, there is real honesty, you
defend each other and you work hard to keep the trust.
I shared this in our staff meeting last week and since then
it made me wonder: “What if I applied this to my marriage?” Not that I am
suspicious of my wife but what if I gave her the benefit of the doubt in
everything? I defended her and worked hard to keep the trust between us. I decide
to believe the best in her. How would this transform my marriage?
If I have a culture of trust in my marriage, when conflict
arises, it becomes nothing but the pursuit of truth in finding the best
possible answer. Not if I win or Courtney wins but we both win. There is no
win/lose in marriage because if one spouse loses you both lose.
In my marriage I have to do everything possible to be
trustworthy. I have to let my yes be yes and my no be no. I have to be honest
about my faults and mistakes. I have to take ownership of my misgivings. I have
to work to maintain that trust.
Here is what happens when you don’t have a “Marriage of
Trust”: you begin to live the Elvis Presley song, “Suspicious Minds.” No one
wants to live in trap of suspicion. Nothing you ever say or do is right. You
are caught in a vicious, unending circle of finger pointing at each other,
doubt, and the flame of love is smothered out.
A choice needs to be made. I must decide to create a
marriage of trust where I give my spouse the benefit of the doubt, I defend my
spouse, I decide to believe the best in her and I will work hard at being
trustworthy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hohl44WZUWg
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